Tutu Day

I bought this pettiskirt ages ago (eBay is awesome) just for photography purposes. But as it turns out, she doesn’t mind running around in this fluffy outfit. She was absolutely happy having such a huge skirt. Now that the weather’s not too bad (summer here is hell!), I’ll keep taking her to the park and just let her go. She slept so well afterwards, as expected.

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Itsy bits…

• The weekend is dull without daddy here.
• Finally giving in and watching Avatar next weekend for Mum’s day out with M. Might see it near Chinatown — good food and shopping too.
• Booked my chocolate making class the day before Vday (how convenient). Daddy gave me calorie in and calorie out presents last Christmas — chocolate making class and a kickboxing bag.
• Weight watching still on hiatus. I haven’t gained anything back, which is good. Still 11kg less. I need motivation.
• Loving Foxtel IQ — no need to rent DVDs and everything can be stored in the box. I love technology.
• Heat be gone. I really don’t like summer. They should just skip summer altogether.
• Inara knows where her nose is now, and tummy, and her lower back teeth are out!
• Not sure if I can make it a month without alcohol. FebFast is not a good idea for me.
• Swimming lessons starting this week! Yay! So looking forward to that! Inara’s absolutely going to love it.
• I don’t like the new Hi-5. Where’s the token Asian?!

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…

…it’s so weird for it to be a Friday and not have daddy come home from work…damn that Melbourne seminar

And she’s off…

A couple of weeks ago, Inara found a new way to scare mama.

Better and better…

There was a point when I honestly believed I would get over the novelty of having a child. Like you would a new gadget or car. But as it turns out, it only becomes even more amazing as she develops. You become enthralled by the smallest things. Like when she tried to blow up her balloon because it shrunk. Or when she picked up her drink when I asked if she wanted a drink. It never goes away, and thank god for that. This little person isn’t a toy you get bored with. No wonder  people kept telling me it only gets better, because as it turns out, it does!

Oh fudge.

I curse. A lot. Eversince I discovered the bitter shocking impact of the f word and the c word and the other words, I haven’t stopped using them, not for a f****ng minute.

However, like everything in life, things change when having kids. She is too young to understand curses but very soon she will be able to pick things up. It is high time to clean up my mouth, and daddy’s. It will be very hard especially when you hit your little toe really hard on the couch’s metal legs.

Moments like this, only screaming the f word can satisfy your anger and pain. But again, the dirt has to be tidied up. So now I speak in fudge codes, switching to sugar and shoot. But when the moment requires an f word, there is always my native tongue’s equivalent of it. So there may be no f and more fudge but there will always be putang ina.

Preparing…

Death is sneaky. It is quiet and tricky. We think we have time to get to know someone or right our wrongs. But in reality, we don’t know when our own journey ends.

Death visited my reality recently. So now I’m doing what I can so I can say I’ve done what I can. I’ve cleared my life of possible negative things, and if I go tomorrow I can safely say that at least I did what I could. No regrets.

I’ve been so proud in the past – refusing to be the bigger person, not apologising, refusing to extend the peaceful hand first (“they don’t want to so why should I” was my proud mantra). Then you think about it and realise, what kind of example am I showing my child? I’ve made mistakes in the past – created wars I shouldn’t have, said harsh words that could have been avoided. I was temperamental, young, emotional and rash. But like everyone who has a good mind to grow up and change for the better, I did too. The changes weren’t apparent to me at first, but I do see the difference now, especially when old friends see it too.

I’ve decided to clean up old messes slowly. It will take time but even if nothing concrete happens before I go, at least I can say I’ve laid down the foundation for it.

Thanks 2009

As the new year begins, I am grateful for…

…the health, safety and happiness of my family

…old friendships still standing strong and new friendships we hope to keep

…a career and side career I love doing and can continue doing from home

…a knitting hobby going strong

…calm waters where there used to be turbulence

…a promising future

…love all around

Sometimes, it pays to be optimistic.